Ivan Franko

The winter months are fading fast, and we here at Whats On Your Mind Bill have been working so steadfastly, that we have yet to indulge in any Hot Cocoa!

Its a tough life, when you're striving for perfection, in the realm of interviewing World Currencies. Family life becomes secondary, social engagements wane...(mind you, a large priority is still placed on masturbation)...

Lets get to it shall we; today we are proud to play host to Ivan Franko, Ukranian Novelist, Social Activist, and Pioneering Poet!

So, Whats on your mind, Ivan?

IF: Look at me in my eyes. Let me take you.

WOYMB: I don't think I understand what you want...

IF: Gaze upon me, you meek little Rabbit. Do you know that I own a 1974 Porsche 914? It is only known one in Ukraine. You are impressed by this.

WOYMB: Well, not really. Buddy of mine's Uncle owned one like that, and it was kind of a shitty ride...

IF: Please do not tell me lies. I see on your face your jealousy. It is perfect condition, and I am only 3rd owner. I have made fantasies come true to women, in my Porsche. Wild nights, my friend.

WOYMB: Ok, fine.

IF: You really are fed up with me and my vehicle, eh my friend?! Like a fish on the sand, watching a river, you are in need of my Porsche, but you cannot have it. You are torn inside, and my Porsche hurts you. Like my first wife, you look at me with rage; "How does he afford such luxury, in this cold Country" you ask.

WOYMB: Its really not that big of a deal...

IF: I have been personally invited to all of the castles of the Ukraine, to dine on luxury Potato dishes, and mingle and frisk tall women, who possess fine features, and smooth slits. 1974 Porchse, has brought these things to me.

WOYMB: You must be proud of yourself.

IF: It goes up to 112 km/h.

WOYMB: That's not that fast, Ivan.

IF: A bolt of lightning cracking a mountain top from heaven, is not fast? Your interpretation of speed is juvenile.

WOYMB: Can we go for a ride then, so I can experience this Porsche, as it seems to be all that you have to talk about?

IF: Your legs are too fat for its bearings, and your presence would sully the women about town. The answer is no.

WOYMB: OK, fuck it then. I'm out of here.

IF: Seventy Four!!!

Jorge Eliécer Gaitán Ayala

Well, its February 2012. What does that mean to us, here at Whats On Your Mind Bill? Well, in the grand scheme of things: absolutely nothing.

A meaningless month - in an End Year - calls for only one thing; an interview with former populist movement leader, and Mayor of Bogota, the charismatic Jorge Eliecer Gaitan Ayala!!!

So Jorge, Whats on your mind?

JEGA: Have you a daughter?

WOYMB: Pardon me, Jorge?

JEGA: A daughter? Have you one? I have some questions that I need to ask her in a closet.

WOYMB: Well, I feel as though we're getting a little off topic here, right away. Can we perhaps discuss your political career? I gather it was quite something.

JEGA: Yes. I certainly was blessed with a gift for politics, for strategy, and for leadership. I am proud of my accomplishments, after all, they were also the accomplishments of the Colombian People. Now; can you describe your daughter to me in exact physical detail?

WOYMB: Fuck, Jorge! Please I'm trying to cond-

JEGA: Is her skin soft as linen? I feel as though it is...

WOYMB: Listen - I don't have a daughter. Can we keep on track please...

JEGA: That is a classic lie, from a person who holds possession of a Soft Angel. May I please talk to her in my quarters for the evening? I will tell her my tales of bravery and courage. She may then choose to engage my genitalia.

WOYMB: Holy fuck man, didn't you hear me?

JEGA: I will build for her a frolicking garden, for her to frolic in. She will smell of rose peddles in the evening hours, and our lust will be forever entwined.

WOYMB: Okay, Jorge. Ive got to head out. Thanks for the chance to talk, I really appreciate it.

JEGA: I will send to you one lock of her hair, to remember her by. This is my word...