Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Mr. Franklin

Its Back, and bigger than ever (subjectively)! Whats on Your Mind Bill has the pleasure of talking to a legendary political theorist, inventor, satirist, etc...An original Founding Father of the United States, Benjamin Franklin!!

Lets have at it:


WOYMB: So Ben, whats on your mind?

BF: Feet.

WOYMB: Um...Feet? I uh, right...So how do you feel about being highly sought after by the Hip Hop community sir! Honoured?

BF: Yes, I am honoured. It certainly is often times, all about 'myself'. However, one must not misrepresent me. Nasir Jones suggests that he would like "Dead Presidents" to represent him. I however was never President!

WOYMB: That is an excellent point Mr. Franklin! So, why is it then, that you never became president of the United States?

BF: Well, I suppose I would chalk it up to my wide ranging mosaic of interests. I felt as though being president would stymie my ability to pursue other facets of knowledge and discovery...That and my insatiable lust for feet.

WOYMB: Again with the feet! Is there something you want to get off your chest, Ben?

BF: Well, there certainly is something that I would like to get ON my chest; your feet, you filthy bastard! Take off your shoes! Let me see your jiblets!

WOYMB: Jesus! I think Ill pass Ben! Can we just get back on topic please!

BF: Certainly, certainly...My apologies...Just let me take a look at them...

WOYMB: No! Ben! Seriously, dude. Your getting pretty weird here. That look in your eyes has me spooked pretty good...

BF: Dip your feet in tar, and walk on my body.

WOYMB: Holy Fuck! Are you kidding me?!

BF: Feed your feet to my mouth. Call me a Walrus, and step on my face. I will give you 100 shillings.

WOYMB: Goddamn it, Ben!

BF: Make it 200 if you let me wear a large diaper. Not to worry, I already have a Man-Crib. We are well sorted...

WOYMB: I...

BF: 500!

Friday, May 13, 2011

Mr. Bello

Well, we're back again! The folks at Whats on Your Mind Bill, have managed to secure another interview with a World Leader! Impressive to say the least!!

Today we have the honour of speaking with Ahmadu Bello, the first Premier of North Nigeria!!




So, lets get to it shall we; whats on your mind Ahmadu?



AB: Well, (chuckles) do you know when you see a cat get stuck in a box? It is cute when they do that, yes? I like this.

WOYMB: Yes indeed it is, sir. I'm always entertained by the YouTube videos, and the like...

AB: Yes. They are very fun. I spend hours watching the cats get stuck in the boxes, and it makes me smile.

WOYMB: That's interesting, Ahmadu. So, if you don't mind, can I ask you about your garb? Are you fashioning a rudimentary space outfit, or perhaps some sort of Knight armour?

AB: NO! I am not doing those things. I am hiding! I am covering!


WOYMB: Hiding? Covering? From what?

AB: My neck. It brings me great shame. It once brought me great pride. Now pure shame, and much anger.

WOYMB: Wow. Why is that Ahmadu?

AB: Are you familiar with the Hip-Hop/Rap artist Gucci Mane?

WOYMB: Umm...Yes....

AB: That man stole from me!

WOYMB: What?

AB: Yes, he stole! I had him to my compound, for a sexual party, and he was enthralled, once he saw my traditional tattoo.

WOYMB: I...

AB: Yes, I am covering my neck to hide the tattoo that covers it. The tattoo of a Banana Split, that represents all that I am. He had the dishonour of stealing my tattoo! But, an ice cream cone? That has nothing to do with honour. The Banana Spilt is the most honourable of desserts. An Ice Cream cone? A folly of man. A disrespect to the Banana Split and everything it stands for.

WOYMB: So, your neck garb is covering your tattoo of a Banana Split, because you are ashamed that rapper Gucci Mane, copied you with his cheek tattoo of an ice cream cone?

AB: EXACTLY. I am in hell.

WOYMB: Yes you are. Poor, poor Ahmadu...

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Poland Poland Poland

Well everyone - its back again!!! The third edition of Whats On Your Mind Bill!!!


Today we have the honour of interviewing King Boleslaw I Chroby, who reigned over Poland from 992 to 1025! So lets get to it then, shall we?!


So whats on your mind Boleslaw?


BIC: Well, I am happy that you had me, and I am hon-


WOYMB: Ya, that's cool - so listen, can I call you Coleslaw?


BIC: What is Coleslaw? Why do you want to call me Coleslaw?


WOYMB: Haha, well its a cabbage based side-dish, that works great with chicken. It also kind of rhymes with your name, so its funny, you know?


BIC: I am an honoured political strategist, and Polish hero - My name is not to be sullied by Cabbage.


WOYMB: Ok...Sorry about that - so no coleslaw, then...Lets talk facial hair, Boleslaw. I gotta say, the mustache - top tier!!! Fuck, how many hours a day do you spend grooming that sonofabitch?!


BIC: Well, I do not groom it myself. I have a harem of women, who apply fine honeys, while dancing a traditional Polish dance. I have also decreed that they are to wear slippers made of sausages during this procedure. The procedure lasts between 4-6 hours. The women are exhausted, and sore, as sausages do little to protect ones feet.


WOYMB: Badass! So; what exactly are you looking at in your photo? You look like you're immersed in deep thought.


BIC: Giant Sausages, riding the wave to Polish freedom, and prosperity.


WOYMB: I hear dat!